da_champion | On the Road

On the Road - For Unshod

The Storm Coast wasn’t much different from Crestwood. It rained almost constantly but there was a distinct lack of undead and the air had the smell of the ocean instead of rotting lake. But the rain was near constant. Endless. Driving Hawke insane even though he had on an oil slick cloak that kept him dry. One last gift from Inquisitor Lavellan before he left to head north to Wiessupt.

It didn't help him climb slick rock any but he wasn't soaked to the bone. Maybe he should have left from the desert but going back to Skyhold before he left to say goodbye to Varric and a quick resupply was better. Except for this miserable, Maker-foresaken weather.

When he heard the sounds of a fight a distance away on the beach he debated getting involved. It would slow him down and he was making slow progress already... but... he could take his bad mood out on whoever was causing trouble. A good fight would warm him up. The Inquisition had a presence here but they couldn’t be everywhere. Hawke would be doing them a favor by chipping in. He’d also get to throw a fireball which might actually warm him up a little.

He did not expect to see a familiar face cutting through Tevinter slavers. Hawke didn't even know there were slavers on this coast. There was no mistaking the distinctive flash of markings and the buzz of lyrium in the air. He could almost taste it in the back of his throat.

“Fenris!” Hawke shouted in greeting as he came quickly stumbling down the side of a not so steep cliff.

He reached the beach and threw his hand out ice lancing from his fingertips through a slaver. He made a gurgling sound before he fell dead. Spinning his staff around Hawke walked right into the fight. He was never one of those mages that stayed at a distance. He could throw a fireball but also run a man through with the bladed end of the staff.

Not that Fenris needed much help. He was perfectly capable of slaughtering slavers without any help even outnumbered five to one. They made short work of the slavers who seemed to be waiting for a ship to take them back to Tevinter with some kidnapped Dalish elves. Hawke kept back while Fenris freed them from their cages and shackles.

“Good to see you’re keeping busy,” he drawled when Fenris approached him.

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"When my father got sick I had to take care of Carver and Bethany," he says softly as he tries to settle in such a way that he can keep Fenris warm but not press on him too much. He knows how much Fenris doesn't like to be touched.

"They weren't as young as some of those children but some things work on all ages." It wasn't hard to be kind and interested when children talked. It wasn't hard to just be warm and friendly. They're kids. Innocent of their parents sins in most cases.

He closes his eyes. "I mean... you could treat them like a mabari and be just as fine. Mabari are usually smarter though."

He smiles a little.

No, he doesn't like to be touched, but soon finds himself moving back into Hawke's space as he turns to look away from the man. He can feel the warmth from the man, it was comforting in a way he doesn't want to examine. Instead he focuses on the words being spoken.

He can't help but smile a little amused at the comment. Of treating a child like a Mabari, of one being smarter than a child. Fenris has little experience with Children, found them difficult at the best of times. But that eases him into the idea of it.

"Do you think you want kids one day? Or will you stick with the smarter Mabari?"

His question is quiet.

"I would..." Hawke sighs heavily. "There was a time I thought about children. A family of my own but with the way my life has turned out I cannot put a child in that much danger."

There is real regret in his voice. Hawke wanted kids and a family. He had dreams of adopting a little mage child and those dreams were destroyed just like Kirkwall's Chantry. He'll never had that now.

"If I can, I'd like a mabari again. One would be helpful living on the run." But he isn't sure how he'd get one. A little is a well attended event.

"Maybe one day when you're in less danger.." Hawke would make a good father, hearing that regret in the man's voice really hurts Fenris, because it was yet another thing that Anders took away from the man.

For some reason he knows he would trust any mage raised by Hawke. How could he not when Hawke was the best mage he knows.

"Perhaps you will not always have to live on the run, have you considered going north where the chantry's influence is weakest?" He would try to find anyway for Hawke to live a peaceful life. He would kill and maim for the man, he would die for him.

If it's within his power he would do anything for the man he loves.

"Until there is some great change within the Chantry and the anger of the faithful I doubt I'll ever stop being hunted." He sighs heavily and closes his eyes against the longing he feels for the life he expected to have.

It won't happen any more. He must let it go.

"It's fine. I did play a part in everything that happened. This is my punishment for that. It's justice in a way." He laughs at his choice of words. "Not that others will see it that way but I should answer in some way for what Anders did. What I helped with."

Unknowingly, sure, but he still helped. That needs to be answered. The Maker seems to have decided that means being hunted. That's fine. Hawke will accept that.

Fenris scowls at the choice of words. Because Justice his ass.

"You were manipulated by someone you cared for, you were blind to his actions, you are as much of a victim of what occurred as anyone else. I know you will never believe that, but Anders does not deserve your martyrdom for his actions. He knew what he was doing," Fenris keeps his voice even and lacking and of his normal spite for Anders, trying to just convey something that was fact, even if passionately.

Reaching behind him, he grabs one of Hawke's arms and brings it around himself, holding on to the man in a way that he's not about to explain, but he figures it will give him some comfort.

"If there is a way for me to help you find the peace you deserve, I shall."

Did he? Did Anders truly understand what his actions would do? How blind was he because of Vengeance's influence. Hawke had seen Vengeance's anger make Anders almost hurt innocent people before. Fenris hadn't been there for that but it was possible. Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he truly didn't understand.

But those thoughts had plagued him for a long time. He didn't think they would fade any time.

"You are my friend," he says as he carefully settles his arms around Fenris. He knows he doesn't like to be touched often. "And when I need it apparently my champion. That is enough."

It is more than he's had in quite a long time.

Fenris doesn't like to be touched often, his markings aches and hurt, even worse with touch, but he likes Hawke's touch. Craves it even. He wants to lean back and soak in the contact and warmth, but he doesn't. No they are just friends and that was okay. This was enough. It had to be.

"You have been mine, it would be my honor to be yours," he says it solemnly, meaning it with everything he has. If Hawke needs a champion, then Fenris will be it.

But for now he lets the conversation die as he lays there, looking off to the side, Hawke's arms around him keeping him warm. He wants to say more but for now they need their sleep.

So.. he sleeps eventually. Some of the best sleep he's had in many moons.

Hawke tries not to crowd Fenris too much. He knows his friend is particular about touch but once he is asleep the intention to respect his boundaries vanishes.

In his sleep he curls his body around Fenris, holding him close. His face ends up buried against his hair. Even as the night drags on he doesn't move away. If Fenris shifts Hawke adjusts, always seeking his warmth and his presence.

Almost like he craves it. Like he needs it.

And maybe he does. Maybe he needs to be close to someone again. Hawke's aching heart certainly does even if he's argued for others to stay away. Loneliness is not good for Hawke.

In the morning he will still be curled around Fenris like a protective shield. Like the clingy octopus he is.

Fenris doesn't mind when he wakes up the next morning and feels the man curled around him. For a long moment... well many moments, he doesn't move, he barely breathes as he leans back into Hawke. Feeling every breath of the man. Normally he would not be particularly fond of being held like this, but with Hawke it... felt right.

It was a surprise to feel so protected and cared for by a man who was asleep.

In fact, he decides to lay there until Hawke wakens next, feeling as if they both could use the closeness in this moment.

For now he closes his eyes and lets the moment wash over him. Lets it happen like it's meant to. How even if he feels a little overwhelmed from all the touching, even he can admit it's nice... it doesn't even hurt all that much.

Scarily, he realizes he could get used to this.

What eventually disturbs their comfortable morning is the bleating of the halla. Hawke snorts and startles awake, limbs flailing a bit as he sits up which will undoubtably disturb Fenris.

He's not his best when woken up early though he's gotten into the habit while on the run. Hawke still looks incredibly confused as to where he is and what's going on for a few seconds before he groans and falls back down onto the bedroll with a thud.

"Fucking deer," he mutters as he rubs at his eyes with his hands and then lets out a huge yawn. He turns his head and smiles at Fenris. "Good morning. Sleep well?"

Hawke hopes the answer is positive because he feels very well rested and peaceful. Tired too but that's typical for the mornings until he has a cup of strong tea.

He debates apologizing for being so clingy but decides he will if Fenris says something about it. It was a nice night of sleep holding Fenris.

Having Hawke flail awake was one way to fully wake up himself and sit up. He doesn't mind it as much, he was not the most morning of people but he was still significantly better at it than Hawke. Fenris was merely more used to being awake the second he needed to be awake and shrugging off his tired like a blanket.

So he moves to stand and stretch as he watches Hawke flop back down with an amused smile.

"I did, yes," he moves to gather the pot he already filled with water last night and put it on the fire, waiting for Hawke to relight it. They have fallen into something of a routine at this point.

"I was able to keep warm this night," he doesn't say thanks to you, but it's heavily implied. He doesn't know how forward he is welcome to be, but it was nice to be held while he slept.

It was a strange new sensation, not having had it happen before ever, but.. well, with Hawke it wasn't unwelcome in the least. Maybe he only liked it because it was Hawke who was holding him. Honestly, with how he feels for the man, he wouldn't be surprised.

Hawke waves a hand towards the fire to light it once he hears Fenris set the pot down. They do have a routine. He doesn't even have to look to do it.

"I run hot. But we'll get cold weather supplies before we keep moving north." He finally brings himself to sit up and rubs both hands over his face. Hawke looks over at Fenris with a small frown.

"Perhaps we can buy some boots from these Dalish. I know they're just a barefoot as you but I'd think boots made by them would fit you better than anything we could find in the next town." And Fenris is going to need them. The Anderfels are not a barefoot sort of climate from what he knows from Anders and what reading he's done.

"I could try to carry you through the snow but I think you'd object to that." He grins as he gets to his feet and stretches until he feels a pop in his back. Hawke's getting too old for this adventuring business.

Fenris visibly scowls deeply at the idea of wearing boots, but he knows he can't argue it. They are going into cold mountainous areas, so snow and cold was very likely. Looking down at his toes, he wiggles them a little and nods dejectedly.

"As much as it would amuse you to carry me like a sack of potatoes through the snow, I think I will heed your advice and see if the Dalish have any boots I might purchase from them."

They will be uncomfortable, but he supposes he has to deal with that and move on. After stretching, Fenris settles back into his poor posture and starts to pull on the metal parts of his armour.

"Oh, please, I'd be a little respectful and carry you like like a cask of beer." Hawke starts picking up around the camp, making sure there's barely any trail left behind. He doesn't want the Dalish to get in trouble if the Templars catch up to them.

They get harassed enough as it is. Hawke doesn't like to be the cause of them suffering even more at the hands of the Chantry.

He packs up all he's carried with him and then considers Fenris a moment. "Would it be easier if we helped each other with our armor?"

They can put it on without help. They have for ages but Hawke watches him now and thinks... why?

Fenris huffs and amused sound at the idea of being carried like a cask of beer... Ridiculous.

Then his fingers still at the suggestion, looking up to meet Hawke's gaze with his own. Taking in what he sees there, which seems to be the same consideration. But before Hawke can speak again, Fenris nods and takes his hands away from the fastenings he was just working on.

"I suppose it would save time," and it would have Hawke be closer, his hands on him...

He can't find it in himself to say no to that.

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On the Road - For Unshod

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comes back to this 20 years later