da_champion | On the Road

On the Road - For Unshod

The Storm Coast wasn’t much different from Crestwood. It rained almost constantly but there was a distinct lack of undead and the air had the smell of the ocean instead of rotting lake. But the rain was near constant. Endless. Driving Hawke insane even though he had on an oil slick cloak that kept him dry. One last gift from Inquisitor Lavellan before he left to head north to Wiessupt.

It didn't help him climb slick rock any but he wasn't soaked to the bone. Maybe he should have left from the desert but going back to Skyhold before he left to say goodbye to Varric and a quick resupply was better. Except for this miserable, Maker-foresaken weather.

When he heard the sounds of a fight a distance away on the beach he debated getting involved. It would slow him down and he was making slow progress already... but... he could take his bad mood out on whoever was causing trouble. A good fight would warm him up. The Inquisition had a presence here but they couldn’t be everywhere. Hawke would be doing them a favor by chipping in. He’d also get to throw a fireball which might actually warm him up a little.

He did not expect to see a familiar face cutting through Tevinter slavers. Hawke didn't even know there were slavers on this coast. There was no mistaking the distinctive flash of markings and the buzz of lyrium in the air. He could almost taste it in the back of his throat.

“Fenris!” Hawke shouted in greeting as he came quickly stumbling down the side of a not so steep cliff.

He reached the beach and threw his hand out ice lancing from his fingertips through a slaver. He made a gurgling sound before he fell dead. Spinning his staff around Hawke walked right into the fight. He was never one of those mages that stayed at a distance. He could throw a fireball but also run a man through with the bladed end of the staff.

Not that Fenris needed much help. He was perfectly capable of slaughtering slavers without any help even outnumbered five to one. They made short work of the slavers who seemed to be waiting for a ship to take them back to Tevinter with some kidnapped Dalish elves. Hawke kept back while Fenris freed them from their cages and shackles.

“Good to see you’re keeping busy,” he drawled when Fenris approached him.

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The hunting is simple enough, Fenris doesn't fell the simple beasts, but he does help with the bigger ones, like the bear they run into. It seems that Hawke will have some simple patching up to do, but for the moment he is gutting the beast to make transport of it back easier.

One of the hunters asks all about Fenris' travels, if he's really the Blue Wraith, if he really has saved all those people. It reminds him of the kind of people who used to fawn over Hawke and his adventures. The kind of people that spread the stories that Varric told while Hawke grinned and laughed at the new ridiculous thing the dwarf added.

He doesn't look towards the direction he knows Hawke to be in, but it would be a lie to say he doesn't.. worry in his own way. To leave him alone with people that barely trust him... where he could vanish on Fenris without a word.

It's a fear Fenris has, that Hawke will be done with him and leave. That's the plan afterall..No, Hawke will be there. The man would never leave him without a word.

Stopping at a creek to wash off some of the blood, they make their way back after some hours have passed and night is starting to fall.

When Fenris and the hunters return Hawke is on the edges of the camp. He's done all the healing he can and there's a bit of tired showing around his eyes. He's found a nice shady spot to sit for the time being.

"And behold the mighty hunter!" he calls to Fenris with an easy smile. "Maybe you've found a new calling."

All the hunters look unharmed which is good. They're a little bloody but nothing unexpected for hunters. Something settles in Hawke's chest seeing Fenris back. They'll have supplies tomorrow and will set off safely.

And yet, a nagging voice at the back of his mind wonders when they'll have to part ways. When he'll be alone again. Hawke... does not want to be alone again.

"Hardly," he says it with a small curl of his lips as he diverts from the hunters and returns to Hawke. He was mostly washed off, mostly unharmed as he comes to sit next to the enormous man.

Hawke made him feel small, but not in a bad way.. in a way that made him wonder what it would be like to be held in those arms-- but those thoughts were unwelcome. Hawke's heart belonged to someone that didn't deserve it and Fenris was trapped with feelings he wasn't sure how to express.. this time with Hawke has made alive the feelings he once buried.

It makes him dread when they will finally part. He doesn't want to part ways, but stay with the man, even if that means to give up the only thing he knows what to do with his life. Was he good enough to stay by Hawke's side? Or would be be abandoned once again?

"You look tired.. perhaps an early night before morning would be advisable," his hand itches to reach out and brush the hair from Hawk's eyes, it's getting a little long from their travels on the road. He keeps his hand still and to himself.

"Healing is pretty exhausting," he says with a little chuckle. "But they clan will do better now. They got caught in a cold rain and weren't able to dry off quickly after it. A few got a cough that is lingering."

The clan's healer had done what she could but there were so many sick and only so much elfroot to spare. "I tried to teach her a few tricks of spirit healing while I worked so we'll see if it helps."

He leans a little against Fenris with a sigh. "But an early night does sound like a nice idea."

Fenris feels his heart quicken a little at the way Hawke leans against him, reaching over now to brush the hair from the man's forehead since he started contact first. "I hope then that they will consider our contributions enough, especially considering you shared your skills with their healer."

Leaning back against the man, he can't help but want to soak in the warmth of him, to feel his weight and bulk against him. Hawke was an incredible person. More than just in looks and skills, but in who he was at his heart. Sure, he wasn't the sharpest, but he was capable and compassionate and knew best how the world worked outside of books.

That's what matters, not what one learns from a books but one's life experiences. And Hawke had more than his share.

"We will be able to rest well tonight before morning comes and sees us traveling once more."

"Mmm." Hawke hums as he leans a little bit more. "They've said we can camp outside their camp. They trust us but not that much. Still don't blame them. See any good places around here?"

He lifts his head and looks around a bit for perhaps a nice corpse of trees or a little out cropping of rocks to protect them from the chilly nights. The farther they get the colder the temperatures have become. The Anderfels are going to be cold.

"They'll at least share some of the hunt and we'll eat well tonight." Hawke has lost some weight since Kirkwall. He's not eating rich foods and drinking piss ale every night. But he's still rather bulky and solid.

"And we'll see how much of their rations they share in the morning." He grunts and then finally hauls himself to his feet. He offers Fenris a hand. "Come on, let's set up camp."

Fenris takes the man's hand and hauls himself up. He was a bit more tired than usual from helping with the hunt, it was more strenuous than he's done in a while.

"They must protect themselves, there is only so much they can offer, hopefully the rations will be worth the effort," they both traded services, even if Hawke didn't want to consider his services something for trade, it still was and likely would still be seen as such. The man had a big heart to help.

But soon they are walking towards an outcropping of rocks nearby, something that will suit well enough for a camp while still staying close enough to the Dalish. They couldn't rely on them for protection but they were going to share the hunt.

"We might have to risk going into town for warmer clothes the deeper into winter we get," As much as Fenris didn't want to admit it.

"I've heard rumors of trouble in the Dales again. Orlesians up to something." Hawke rolls his eyes. There was a lot to learn during his time with the Inquisition but he had mostly spent it catching up with Varrick and avoiding the one Seeker and Cullen as much as possible. He did not need that inquisition.

Hawke spreads out their bedrolls while Fenris sets up a little firepit for them. He lights the fire with a bit of magic until it catches and turns to true flames. It's good enough for the night and in sight of the Dalish if there's trouble.

"Mm, probably. I've heard it gets quite cold up in the Anderfels." Hawke watches the Dalish from their camp, the clan and families all together. He feels a pang of longing for the good days in Kirkwall.

He looks away towards Fenris. The thought of being alone... haunts him. He does not want to be without his companion... but he has to be. "We can ask the Dalish where the nearest town is when we leave. Hopefully, it's a small detour. I can hide my face enough to pass as any other bloke, especially if I take the armor off."

"Shocking," the sarcasm is dripping. Trouble in the Dales? Trouble with the Orlesians? Surprises never cease.

Fenris watches the magic catch with a plain expression, not minding the method, it was good. It would keep them warm this cold night. "As have I, the nights are already colder than my cloak is good for, if I keep my hood up and face covered I will looks like nothing more than a companion to you. I think if we make quick work of an errand in town we shouldn't draw much attention."

Besides, people were bundling up more now, it wouldn't draw eyes too much, if he masks the bottom of his face it should be fine.

Though he hesitates, not yet unrolling his bedroll. Next to Hawke would be best for warmth but he doesn't know how welcome that would be. He wouldn't mind it, but Hawke might. Afterall, his heart belonged to someone that didn't deserve it. Never had deserved it. Maybe he was thinking too into this because he realized the feelings he's long suppressed were resurfacing.

"It's been that cold for you?" Hawke is surprised for a second. Then he remembers that Fenris' body has not been altered by years and years of fire magic. Hawke runs hot thanks to its influence over his body. He hasn't noticed the cold too often.

"You should've said something sooner, sleep closer to me," he offers gesturing towards his laid out bedroll. "I am always warm and we can share cloaks."

He thinks nothing of the offer, not really. Fenris is a dear friend and he doesn't want him cold. He needs the warmth. Hawke can provide it. It is as simple as that.

"We'll get more blankets in town as well. Perhaps a heavier pack so we can carry it all." He will make a list of the supplies they need before they reach town.

He almost thinks to point out that he doesn't wear shoes, because that should make it obvious that he runs a little colder than others because he has a precious heat source escape, but he decides not to. Hawke might suggest he wear boots afterall. And in a way he wouldn't be wrong, but they were uncomfortable and pinched and he wasn't fond of how he felt overheated with such on.

"If you insist, I was about to suggest that very thing," he goes to lay his bedroll out next to Hawke, though he feels a little guilty for it. Perhaps because for him it meant more than just being friendly.. Maker why was he doing this to himself?

Still, the night would be easier to bear if they huddled for warmth.

"We have a long travel, we need not burden ourselves with too much," though he also won't say no to having another thick blanket. It would make the night easier. "Though, should the Anderfels prove that cold, we might be grateful for it."

Originally, he wasn't really supposed to go that far with Hawke, but at this point Fenris planned to go the whole way with Hawke whether the man liked it or not.

"Everything I know about the Anderfels says it's cold."

Anders never talked much about his home country. He hated discussing his past, though occasionally it came out after nightmares and with enough wine. Hawke treasured each bit of information Anders shared. It made him feel special.

Now, it brings up a bitter pain and heavy regret which is why it takes him a moment to catch Fenris' wording.

"We?" he frowns in confusion at him. "You're not going to the Anderfels."

They would be parting ways soon. The inevitable end to their adventures together. The end that Hawke is slightly dreading. Alone would be so hard after all this time together.

Fenris focuses on running his hand over his bedroll for a moment, because he didn't like the fact that Hawke had to point out that there was no 'we' in this. That they would be parting soon. Once they got close to Tevinter that is when he was going to go his separate way, but no longer. He wants to stay close now.

"I am. Tevinter can wait until you've seen Carver again," perhaps longer, he wasn't gonna push his luck on that. Small steps, this first.

Perhaps they can stay together after, continue to travel together, hunt slavers, do whatever it is that Hawke needs to do next. Slavers could wait if needed, his journey with Hawke.. it could be the last time. Once they split up again he may never see the man again, be it distance or death that takes him first.

"My mind if set, Hawke," his tone said he wouldn't argue it.

"They know you're with me though. The Templars. The Chantry. You can't stay with me further," Hawke says, a bit dumbfounded. "The longer you stay with me the more they're going to accuse you of. You can't... that's not good, Fenris. You escaped my crimes once, they won't let you do it again if you're traveling with me."

He doesn't understand. They talked about this. They agreed that they would split up. He would go to Tevinter to hunt slavers while Hawke went after his brother.

"We've taken enough risks. You can't jeopardize your freedom." Hawke would hate for Fenris to get arrested when he's innocent. Well, was innocent. He's not innocent now. Now he's helping a fugitive. It's... it's so risky for them to stay together. Too risky.

"You can't stay with me..."

It seems that Hawke wanted to argue it even though Fenris was rather straightforward that he wouldn't allow for the other man to dissuade him. They both could be very stubborn, this could be a difficult one if Hawke starts to set his foot down about it, which it seemed was the case.

Still, he doesn't give.

"Being associated with you and your crimes does not scare me, it never has. I would rather continue to travel with you and be seen as a a fugitive alongside you than be without you--" he stills his tongue at that. It was too close to the truth of the matter. It was too close to the heart of the matter.

"I will see you to Carver, we can discuss it after that. What is a weeks more travel when we have already been spotted together. Is it not safer to travel together than apart with all that hunts us?"

Hawke scowls at him. "I am not worth you losing your freedom over."

That's the part Hawke simply cannot understand. Fenris spent so long getting his freedom and making the most of it. He no longer knows chains and being at the mercy of someone else with no will of his own.

Why would he risk capture and arrest just to stay by Hawke's side? He gets nothing from this besides more bullshit and trouble as it always is with Hawke. He got Stroud killed. He got Varric in so much trouble. Fenris couldn't be next.

"I'm not saying you're afraid but staying with me won't bring you anything good."

Fenris scowls, because he's already had his panic over the idea of love being chains for him, that he was trading one master for another by loving Hawke, especially when he couldn't have him... he's already overcome that realizing it's not chains, the man isn't another master. He's realized that this could be something more than simple masters and chains.

It wasn't about losing freedom. He would endure capture and torture if it meant protecting Hawke. Because that was his choice.

"You're something good!" he bites out the words, "Being with you means I am not alone, it means I'm with you."

He wants to stop there but then it just all comes spilling out, "What is freedom if I cannot spend it the way I wish to, which is by your side - I would never have left it if I had my choice from the start.. if you wish to abandon me again, then do it while I sleep, else I will hound your every step until you accept my company once more, because I--" he finally bites his tongue and looks away.

Hawke feels a catch in his throat. He wants to protest. He wants to protect. Fenris shouldn't be with him. It's not safe. It will never be safe. No matter what the Inquisitor promised him, the Chantry will always be after him, they will always hold him responsible.

And Fenris being in chains again because of him the idea hurts Hawke to the soul. He can't be the reason Fenris is in chains again. He can't. But it is Fenris' choice, isn't it? It's his freedom.

Most of all... he wants him there. He wants Fenris with him, not just to have company but because it is Fenris' company. He wants Fenris with him. That's what he wants.

"I will leave you if it looks like we're going to get caught," he warns as he walks towards him. "I cannot see you in chains. The thought terrifies me. I won't leave you while you sleep though. I don't want to be alone. I mean, I don't really want to make you leave. Or part ways."

He sighs heavily as he stands in front of Fenris. "But Maker help me, my selfishness will not be the cause of you losing your freedom."

"Then let us not get caught," He looks up at the significantly taller man. "But I will not allow your selflessness to make us go separate ways needlessly.'

With a bravery that often escapes him at times like these, when he doesn't know how the man feels, when he doesn't know if it's okay, he reaches up to cup Hawke's jaw. His thumb caresses over the rough facial hair.

"Be it my own selfish desires, but.. I do not wish to be parted from you," he doesn't want to overstay his welcome in touching Hawke, so he withdraws his hand, but he will not leave the man's side, even if it looks like they might get caught.

He rather risk his freedom than risk Hawke's life.

It has been so long since Hawke felt a tender touch such as Fenris' hand against his cheek. He leans into the touch, his eyes closing slowly.

A deep, dark fear takes root in his stomach. He wants and that he hasn't felt since Anders. Wanting Fenris? Oh... oh... how is he supposed to handle that knowledge with the knowledge of how much danger he puts Fenris in?

And then his touch is gone and Hawke feels like he has lost something. Something he doesn't really have, does he?

"I am not needless," he says softly. "Hopeless is probably the best word for it. I truly don't know what I will do once I know Carver is well. I don't have a plan, Fenris. I have nothing."

Something about how Hawke says that that makes his heart ache, that makes him want to take the man by the face and tell Hawke he has him. That he was here for him.. that he wasn't nothing. But does he really have the right to do that?

Would it even be welcome?

"Perhaps you deserve to rest? Hawke, you haven't stopped moving forward since Kirkwall, maybe it's time to find what makes you happy for once," Fenris swallows because he wants to be that. He wants to love Hawke openly, but he doesn't get to be that. Not while Anders' ghost lingers to hurt this man everyday.

"You would also be welcome to join me, I.. have my purpose, your company would be welcome," he means it too. He would gladly have Hawke alongside him. To continue their journeys together and kill slavers, save elves, do damage to Tevinter.

"Believe me, I would like to." He smiles though it's a little sad. "I can think of no better purpose than stopping slavers from hurting people and being with you. But I'm scared of the danger it puts you in."

He truly would love to stay by Fenris' side. He likes his company. His quick wit and quite strength. His fierce loyalty. Even in the face of danger. Hawke could bring nothing but ruin and yet, he wanted to stay. He wanted Hawke to stay.

"The Inquisitor said they would clear my name with the Chantry but I doubt it will do any good. They can't find Anders to punish so they'll take me instead." Hawke finds himself reaching for Fenris' hand and idly playing with his fingers.

"I don't want to see you hurt. I hate the idea of it." He sighs heavily. "And I hate the idea of leaving you as well."

"I am not scared of the danger it puts me in, being with you is worth any danger that might come my way.. if anything I would be putting you in more danger to have you seen with me so close to Tevinter.." they would probably herald Hawke as a hero more for the war than not. Free mages? A war to make slaves easier to gather? A dent to the Chantry that they don't follow but call heretics?

Hawke could make a new life for himself in Tevinter.. but Fenris is too greedy to suggest it. He wouldn't want to lose the man he cares so deeply to the nation he wants to tear apart.

Does that make him a bad person?

Does it make him a bad person that he wants to kiss Hawke right now?

He swallows before taking Hawke's hand in his own, letting the man play with his fingers, letting him have anything. Fenris would give him anything - anything but separation, he would.

"Then don't leave me.. I.. felt like my world was ending the first time you all abandoned me to be alone once more, I cannot imagine surviving it a second time." Especially with his renewed feelings.. he can't let the man go again.

"Yeah, but if we went to Tevinter I could punch a magister in the dick and that's always a good idea." The irony is Hawke would never choose a life in Tevinter. Not after knowing Fenris. Oh, that Magister with the Inquisitor was tolerable enough but Hawke hated the country, hated everything it did and stood for. Tevinter only made things worse in Ferelden for mages, not better.

And that country spent years hurting one of his dearest friends. Hawke would not choose their side in any conflict. Nor would he accept any accolades from them either.

"Fenris..." His heart clenches in his chest at the words. It had been so hard to leave his friends when arguably he needed them more than ever after what Anders had done to him and Kirkwall but he couldn't be with them. He couldn't put them in danger.

He sighs and leans forward enough to rest his forehead against Fenris'. "We will figure out our next moves after we find Carver. I won't make you leave. Maybe just suggest it now and then."

Fenris sighs as well, resting forehead to forehead with Hawke. He wants to say more, but the words aren't coming to him, his lips feel numb with the potential of loss, with how his heart aches at the idea of it.

So for the moment he says nothing, just brining his hand to the man's cheek as he closes his eyes to feel the pause, the way time seems to slow and speed up all at once to feel this. To know Hawke won't push him away again.

Finally, words come to him, find a way out of his throat, "Good, then we will take it as it comes. If suggest is all, then I can handle that much. Though my answer will remain the same, I wish to remain by your side above all else."

He means it, he would give up his hunt if it meant staying by Hawke's side.

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